You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
