There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize