Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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