i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Farmville is her only friend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
