I'm going to jail i love you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize