You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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