why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
