no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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