this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
