Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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