that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
