I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize