that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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