When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
