I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
