Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
