well I can't set my house on fire every night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
