hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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