There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
