well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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