Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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