you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
