Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
