Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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