So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
