Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
