Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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