So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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