I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
