I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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