he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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