I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
