He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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