i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
