The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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