Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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