is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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