i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
