You're my little dorito
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
