My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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