stop calling my apartment porn island.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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