I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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