Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
