You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
