i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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