going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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