I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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