If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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