No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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