friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
