just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
