yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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