guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
