didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
