i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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