you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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