i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
