I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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