After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
