summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
