i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
