If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
