all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
