and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
