he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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