I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
