So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
