it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
