So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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