You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
