All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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