As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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